The Light or the Darkness
by Mischel
Summary: SPN s11 SPOILERS! My season 11 coda series. Destiel :)
1. 11x09 Coda Part 1

**I wrote another Destiel story! :D I know I haven't posted anything since the beginning of November, but that was because I was working on my NaNoWriMo story and now that it's finally finished, I can write fanfiction again. I'd love to write some Merthur for Christmas and for Colin's 30th birthday, but that depends on school and how much free time I'll get. Anyway, this is a coda fanfic for 11x09 because Cas wasn't there and he should have been. Enjoy!**

 **Warning: I'm not native speaker, so there might be some mistakes. Also, spoilers.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

 **THE LIGHT OR THE DARKNESS  
By Mischel**

 **.**

The kiss was expected, but somehow he doesn't realize it's actually happening until it lasts for more than a minute already. He immediately steps away from her. "What was that?" He asks, touching his lower lip with his thump.

"The future," Amara answers, her arms still raised in the air from where she held Dean's face. "The inevitable result of our first meeting. What you've been feeling since that moment. What we both felt. That we're bonded." And Dean doesn't want to believe any of that, but deep down, he has a feeling that she knows she's right. "You're the one who set me free."

"No, that was an accident." He argues.

"It was destiny." She laughs softly. "You bore the Mark. _I_ am the original Mark." She reaches to the strap of her dark dress and moves it away, showing Dean a bit of her light skin with the red Mark of Cain next to her shoulder. Dean looks at it and takes a deep breath. "You and I will be together." She insists, but Dean's already shaking his head.

"No." He says. Because it can't be true, can it? He could never be with the Darkness, with _her._ She was just a girl a few days ago for God's sake. Even though God is nowhere to be found. Maybe that is the reason he's here, with Amara. She wants to get God's and Dean's attention. "No, that's- that's not gonna happen." He finishes and for the first time she looks confused.

"It's so simple, Dean. We will become one." She frowns. "Why wouldn't you want that?" She asks and Dean just keeps staring into her dark eyes, not saying anything. There _is_ a reason. There's always been a reason. Not the obvious one - that she is the Darkness and he has had enough of the Mark already and that she's bad, worse than Lucifer. There is another, completely different reason. And that reason has sky blue eyes and dark messy hair and wears a dirty trench coat. And Dean simply isn't ready to let go of him, even though he's never said anything to let him know. He has a feeling that just like the Darkness, he knows what he feels anyway.

"Amara." Someone calls her name and they both turn to the forest. There are four men standing in suits, angel blades shining in each of their hands. Angels have come and they're not here to talk or make amends with their father's sister. They're here to destroy her and do what they think needs to be done. One of them isn't wearing a suit though. He has a light yellow or light brown trench coat and blue striped tie.

"You're going to surrender to us and to the judgment of heaven." One of them speaks.

"Why ever would I submit to anything of God's creation?" Amara answers and Dean looks at her. This is getting dangerous. "Tell your master to come fetch me himself." She says, mockingly stressing the word _fetch._

"All of heaven's on high alert."Another angel answers. "If you resist, each and every angel in the skies will smite you in a single unified blow." He says, but Dean isn't really listening. Castiel is all he can see and hear in that moment and he doesn't look away until Castiel meets his gaze. Dean's sure Cas can see his worried face, but he doesn't say or do anything. Weren't the angels trying to kill him? Didn't he say they hated him? Even Hannah until she changed her mind? Maybe they needed to do this with every angel they could think of, even his Castiel. They needed all the power they could get against the Darkness.

"Not even you could survive it." The first angel says and Dean snaps back into reality and Cas looks away from him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, fellas, dial it down a bit, okay?" He says and the Darkness looks at him. He can feel it. "Look, if you take her down, a whole bunch of people are gonna die."

"We're at the point where sacrifice is inevitable." The angel answers and Dean looks back at Amara. He can feel she's gonna do something and when the first angel tightens his grip on the blade and marches forward, he knows for sure.

"Amara, no!" He yells, but it's too late. She raises her arm and points at the angel and he starts shaking. There's light in his eyes and mouth, just like Dean's seen it when some angel died many times before. He keeps shaking and he kneels on the ground, his head looking up to the sky. The light grows and he screams until it stops and he falls to the ground with a thud, _dead_.

The other angels are standing there in shock, until the second one decides to try the same stupid thing. He looks at his dead friend and in the next second he's already going in Amara's direction, but none of this really matters. Not to the Darkness. She raises her hand again and he stops moving, bowed as if he wanted to throw up. As Amara moves her hand up, the angel's hand with the blade runs through his head and after another white light, he's dead too.

It's all happening so fast that Dean can't even react properly. "Amara," he says, but she ignores him. "Amara stop!" He yells, but it's too late. The third angel is already dead, vanishing in a glowing cloud of dust in the air, right next to Castiel. "No!" Dean yells and runs to his friend when he sees Amara is preparing to kill him too.

That finally gets her attention and she puts her arm down, looking at Dean. She's confused, Dean can see it and feel it too, but he doesn't care. If anyone wants to hurt Cas, they're playing with fire. Dean's killed before and he'll do it again without the slightest hesitation. They've just got Cas back dammit, Dean isn't even sure he's properly healed yet.

"Dean, what are you doing?" He hears her ask and Castiel steps from behind him, so he can see the Darkness too. Dean looks at him and Cas looks back, just as confused as Amara. Why can't he understand?

"You're not gonna kill him." Dean turns back to Amara. "Only over my dead body." He adds and he knows she doesn't want to kill him. Maybe she can't, just like he can't kill her. It's _won't_ or _can't_.

"What?" She laughs softly and steps closer. Dean takes a step back and grabs Castiel's trench coat. He has to know he's still there, alive. "Why, he's just another angel." She says. "The more I kill, the better chance my brother will notice me, I told you that."

"Yeah, well, not with Cas." He answers. Or anybody, she has to stop the killing.

"Oh, so you know him." Her smile wavers a bit as she looks down and sees Dean's hand, clutching to Castiel's coat. She looks back into his eyes. "A good friend, I guess."

"More than good." Dean answers. "He's _family_ and you ain't gonna hurt him."

"Dean, I have to try to stop her." Castiel takes his hand and moves it away from his coat. Dean turns his head and looks at him.

"No way, man, I'm not gonna let you do that." He says. "It's suicide, you know that."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"I can try." Dean says, a sad smile on his face. He knows Amara's watching and that she can hear every word they say, but he doesn't care. "I can't lose you man, I told you that." He adds. "I need you... Sam needs you too. And not for your power, we need you for being _you_."

There's a tiny smile in the corner of Castiel's mouth, until it disappears and he groans with pain, falling to the ground. Dean's eyes widen and he immediately kneels beside his friend, holding his head just like he did when he got rid of the spell.

"No!" Dean yells and looks at Amara."You can't do that! Stop!"

But she just smiles. "Now that I know he's your friend, maybe I can use him to get you to understand me. You and I are _supposed_ to be together, Dean. You can't outrun your own destiny."

"I could once, I can do it again!" He yells and looks back at Cas. There's blood in his mouth and on his stomach, his white shirt already red. Dean closes his eyes for a second, trying not to cry. When he opens them again, Castiel is staring up at him, reaching to hold his hand and Dean doesn't care he's not alone, he grabs it and squeezes. "I'm gonna fix you man, don't you worry." He attempts to smile and fails horribly. Amara is killing Castiel slowly, not like the other angels.

"I'm better, Dean." She says as she sees their hands and realizes something Dean didn't admit to anyone yet. "You and him, you aren't forever. But I can _make_ you immortal, we can be together forever, we're bound." She says again, but Dean doesn't care.

"Just fix him, please." He begs. He doesn't see her frown and he doesn't know that while she is his weakness, he is her weakness too.

"He can't give you what I can." She tries one last time, just as the clouds start gathering in the sky. The angels are already working on smiting her and it looks really impressive.

"I don't care!" Dean snaps at her. "He'll always be better than you, and I will always choose him over you. You can't change that!" He says and Amara looks up. He follows her gaze and his eyes widen. It's coming and it's going to be huge. They _will_ smite her, but she doesn't look very bothered by that.

He looks down and suddenly she's kneeling right next to him. She looks into his eyes and once again, Dean isn't able to look away. She places her hand on his cheek and smiles, he just keeps staring at her. "I know you'll choose me in the end, don't worry." She says and touches Castiel's forehead with one finger. Dean looks down to see that Castiel's healed, but just when he looks back up, he's back in the park again, sitting on a bench with the angel in his arms.

* * *

 **I know this is not perfect, but I just really really wanted Cas to be in this episode and I thought it'd be interesting if he was one of the angels who tried to attack Amara. Well, I might continue this if you want me to... or make it a little season 11 coda series because I don't doubt I'll want to write something for season 11 again. Anyway, that's why I leave this as _in-progress_ fanfic, I hope you enjoyed :)**


	2. 11x09 Coda Part 2

**This is the second part to the 11x09 coda I wrote before Christmas. I'm sorry it took so long, but I was really busy with school... I still am. Anyway, this is a supernatural AU where everything's the same, but Dean and Cas actually decide to talk about everything. Expect some chick flick moments in this one ;)**

 **THE LIGHT OR THE DARKNESS  
Chapter2**

 **.**

He quickly looks around. The people are gone and it's getting dark. He doesn't recall being with Amara for that long, but when he looks down at the angel in his arms, he forgets about her and about everything else. "Cas!" He pulls him closer to give him a short hug. Then he punches him in the arm like any right bro would do and smiles.

Castiel slowly sits down next to the hunter. "Dean." He starts and looks at him. "Why-"

"What the hell were you doing there, Cas?" Dean asks instead, cutting him off. "Amara is the most evil bitch we've ever faced, you must have known that you and the other angels were not strong enough to kill her."

"I had to try something, you and Sam wouldn't let me work." Cas raises his voice and Dean frowns.

"Do I have to remind you how bad that bitch Rowena screwed you up?" He asks and Cas notices the pain in Dean's narrowed eyes. He's looking at him the same way he did when he held his head, just after he was cured of the dog spell. "Dude, you're not _fine_ yet, at least not fine enough to fight like this."

"I can't just sit and watch television while you and Sam do all the job, Dean."

"I thought you liked Netflix." Dean frowns. "You didn't even want to leave Sam's room for four days." Cas doesn't answer, he just looks down and shakes his head slightly.

"Well, I don't like it anymore and I'm _fine._ " He stands up, but Dean grabs his forearm.

"Wait," he says and looks down at Cas' stomach. "Can I?" He asks and looks into Castiel's blue eyes. He wants to make sure Cas is okay because dammit, this is exactly what he's taught Cas to do. It's so like _Dean_ to pretend everything's fine and to bury every feeling inside, not letting anything out. He's done it so many eyes in front of Sam and Cas that Cas started doing it too. It's Dean's fault.

"I'm alright, Dean, she healed me when she touched my forehead." Castiel rolls his eyes and stands up. Then he starts walking away before Dean even realizes Cas did it again. _Pretended_.

"Where are you going?" Dean asks and runs after him.

"Where's the Impala?" Castiel asks instead and Dean stops him with his hand on his shoulder.

"The other way," he says, pointing behind him. Cas sighs and turns around, walking in the opposite direction. "Cas, wait." He calls. Cas doesn't react. "Stop!" Dean yells and this time Cas stops walking, but he doesn't look back. Dean sees the tension in his friend's shoulders and he knows this is a bad time and they're in the middle of figuring out what to do about Amara, but he wants Castiel to relax around him. He doesn't want a pissed angel, he wants his friend angel back. He doesn't want to fight. And in order to achieve that, they have to talk. Whether they like it or not.

"Cas, we need to talk." He says and that makes the angel turn around and look at the hunter.

"About what?"

"Everything." Dean says as he slowly walks closer to his friend. He looks into his eyes and he sees doubt. He sees a little bit of fear too, and he isn't sure, but he thinks it might be the same thing Cas sees in his green eyes.

"I don't want to talk." Castiel admits and his voice is weaker than before. Dean's face softens.

"I know, but we need to fix this. Fix us..." He smiles sadly and doesn't look down. Then he takes a deep breath. "We both know you're not alright yet... you know. After Rowena." Dean starts carefully. "So... what were you trying to prove out there, uniting with the other angels against Amara? What were you trying to prove to yourself, Cas?"

There's a few seconds of silence, but then Castiel whispers. "That I'm not broken." There are tiny tears in the corner of Cas' eyes and Dean desperately wants them to disappear. "I wanted to prove to myself that I'm alright because no one cares anyway."

Ouch. That one hurt.

Dean closes his eyes and looks down for a second. "I do." He says then and looks back at Cas. "Whatever or whoever made you think we don't care about you, they're wrong. I care, Cas. Of course I care about you." Dean says and suddenly he feels vulnerable. He's spilling it all out, his feelings. The ones he's buried inside himself in the deepest abyss of his soul, his heart, and they're all coming back and he doesn't like it. He's opening up to one person he cares about the most and maybe he shouldn't feel so afraid, but he can't really help it. "We're family."

"You said that many times." Cas says and looks down. His shoes suddenly seem so interesting.

"Well, then believe it. It's true." Dean says. "Tell me you believe it."

"I do, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like it." Cas looks up at him. "You don't let me do things on my own just because you think I'm not okay yet, an-"

"But you're not, Cas." Dean says. "I know there must have been a reason for all that sitting around and watching tv, not doing anything. You didn't want to leave the bunker, I know about that too. Only when I asked you to find Metatron you went outside. What kept you inside Cas?"

"I don't know," Cas says and the moment they had there is gone. He frowns and starts walking away again, but Dean joins him and continues talking.

"You know you can tell me. In family you trust each other. You can trust me, Cas." Dean says while walking.

"But obviously you can't trust me." Cas replies and puts his hands in the pockets of his trousers.

"What do you mean?" Dean asks.

"I'm talking about Amara. You didn't tell me why did you let her go."

"And you didn't tell me why did you let Metatron go." Dean says. They were back at fighting, great.

"I did tell you, he wasn't dangerous to us anymore, he's human. And a pitiful one at that." Cas repeats what he said the last time they talked about the God's former scribe and turns to Dean. "But you didn't tell me _how_ she got away. You only said she overpowered you, but I know that's not the whole truth." Cas looks into Dean's green eyes and Dean frowns.

"I don't know how she did that."

"Please be honest, Dean."

"I am being honest, Cas." Dean sighs. "I mean... you saw her out there. She says we're bound, and I didn't understand at first, but now..."

"Now?"

"I don't know, man. I just can't do anything when she's around me. It's like some kind of magic... I don't think I can hurt her." Dean admits and realizes they both stopped walking. "I can't think or do anything. Everything there is is her and I'm powerless."

"That sounds like a description of romantic feelings I heard on Netflix." Cas says and Dean chuckles.

"I know, I fucking kissed her." He admits and ignores that Cas is staring at him. "Or she kissed me, I... I don't know what it is that we have, but I don't want it. She's bad, Cas. I don't want her to have this power over me, she was a baby a few weeks ago. It's all insane." Dean closes his eyes and feels a hand on his shoulder.

"We'll figure it out." Cas smiles. "Thank you for telling me, Dean." Cas says, but Dean doesn't answer, so he gives him a squeeze. "Once we get back to Sam, we'll figure out what to do."

Dean quickly looks up and his eyes widen. "Sam's still in hell." He says. "We need to hurry, come on!" He starts walking again, faster this time and Cas follows him. They get in the car and drive. That gives both of them some time to think.

Both Dean and Cas know that it's not everything they needed to talk about yet. They still need to talk about why didn't Cas want to leave the bunker (not that they want him to leave, but he didn't even leave Sam's room and that made the Winchesters worried). They both need to open up and speak freely about everything that's happening.

And then there's this one thing they both know about, but neither wants to admit. That same little thing that makes Castiel feel sad when he heard about the kiss. That little thing they both feel but are too afraid to say out loud. One day they won't be. One day they'll be ready to let that feeling out and talk about it. When everything with Amara is over and they'll be able to finally take some rest... that might be the right time for this.

But for now, Dean keeps driving and Cas keeps thinking. They spent too much time with Amara and now they both had a job to do.

As a team.

* * *

 **I saw some promo pictures for 11x10 (SPOILER ALERT!) and Dean and Cas were in the cage with Sam, standing in front of Luci. That's why I decided to end it like this. I thought it'd be nice if right after they were transported back to the park and got into the Impala, they'd go to find Sam together. As a team. I hope you liked it :)**


	3. 11x11 Coda

**I know it's short and crappy and probably out of character, but I hope you'll like it if you read it. It's about how Dean feels about what Mildred told him about life and what he thinks about Castiel's strange behavior. So obviously it's Destiel :)**

 **11x11 INTO THE MYSTIC - CODA  
** **.**

 _Follow your heart, Dean._ That's what Mildred said and Dean couldn't stop thinking about it ever since. He knew she was right, but he had no idea what his heart was telling him. Sometimes everything felt so familiar and he knew exactly what and _who_ he wanted, but sometimes he was confused, too. She said she knew he was pining for someone. And he didn't know if it was the Darkness or... well, someone else.

"You know," Sam said as he was walking away from the kitchen. "I still can't figure that out. I mean, Banshees go after the vulnerable, right? So why did it go after you?" _Good question, Sammy._ Dean's been thinking about that too and he still hasn't figured that out.

"You're overthinking it." He said. "It was going after Mildred, it saw my gold blade, acted out of self-defense. Simple." He looked up at his younger brother and hoped that he'd buy it.

"Yeah," Sam said after a while. "You're probably right."

"I'm always right!" Dean shouted.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Night."

"Night!" Sam yelled and then he was gone, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts and the ringing in his head after the Banshee. He closed his eyes and slurped his beer. He knew the Banshee went after him, but why? He needed to figure that out and he needed to do it on his own... before he'd tell Sam.

He knew it meant one thing. That he was _vulnerable._

And he was most definitely pining for someone, that was another thing. He just hoped that it wasn't Amara because he wanted it to be someone else. Someone who's been a little bit off lately. Someone with bright blue eyes and dark messy hair. And also someone who didn't react as Dean expected him to when he found out about Dean's possible _attraction_ for Amara.

What was wrong with Cas? When he found him in the bunker, he was glad he was safe and _home_ (except that he was looking for lore on the Darkness without letting them know first). But he was happy that he saw him. He hasn't heard from him in a few days which started to worry him a bit.

On the other hand... when he was in his presence, something felt a little bit... off. It didn't _feel_ like Castiel. He did all the right moves, he greeted him just like he always does and he asked the right questions, but other than that? It felt like a complete different person. And he touched his wrong shoulder, that was one wrong move.

Yes, Dean knew this might have been a bit weird, but he's noticed over the years that Cas only ever touches his left shoulder. It's where he'd let the hand print when he pulled him out of hell. It's been a long time since it disappeared, but Cas always knew where exactly to put his fingers.

This _new_ Cas didn't. He touched his right shoulder and that was the first thing that made Dean feel a bit alarmed. He was worried.

But Sam was probably right. Meeting Lucifer couldn't have been easy for Castiel. It brought stuff up, just like Sam said. Still, it felt like there was something more to all of this. Something that wouldn't cross his mind. Something he didn't know could be true. He didn't know what that _something_ was.

Dean sighed and finished the beer. Then he stood up and went into his room, letting his tired body fall into his bed. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep tonight though. He still had to think about everything. The Darkness, the Banshee and... and Cas. He wanted to know what was wrong because even though Sam might not see it, there obviously _was_ something. He should have a talk with Cas to see if he's willing to tell him.

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. Yeah. He'll keep an eye on him.

And he'll do his best to follow his heart once they get rid of Amara.

He might actually be _happy_ then.


	4. 11x13 Coda

**I just watched the episode and quickly wrote this. It's just a little idea that I'm sure every Destiel fan had while watching this episode - instead of Amara, the Qareen looks like Castiel. Yop. So there's Cas and then some Casifer with Dean, and I also added my another little idea - that because Dean met fake Cas (Qareen) he was finally able to realize that his Cas wasn't Cas, but Lucifer. I also worked with the fan theory that Cas is in the cage and not in Lucifer's body because when you think about it... why else would Luci ask Rowena if she was the only one who could open the cage and then kill her? He already said that Michael wasn't dangerous, so I think keeping Cas in the cage was his reason why he killed her.**

 **Anyway, I proofread this only quickly - I write two tests tomorrow and I haven't started with anything - so there might be mistakes. If you spot some nonsense, please tell me.**

 **Warning: strong language.**

 **Enjoy! :)**

 **11x13 LOVE HURTS - CODA**

 **.**

Only a few minutes after Sam left to go upstairs, Dean heard footsteps again. Man, he wished Sammy had found at least something. It couldn't have been a good sign that he was returning so soon. "You found anything?" Dean asked and slowly turned around to look at Sam.

Only it wasn't Sam who was standing there. It was... Cas?

"I understand, Dean." Cas said, looking into Dean's eyes. But that wasn't Castiel looking at him. It couldn't have been. This was... Qareen.. And that meant only one thing – Castiel was Dean's deepest and darkest desire.

He was speechless. Until Cas spoke again. "The longing in your heart... I feel it too."

Dean's breath hitched. Out of all things he wanted it to be – Bach or Simpson or anyone else – it just had to be Cas. Of course it had to be Cas. Dean knew how he felt, although he didn't dare to think about it often. Hell, he hadn't even said it out loud yet, not once. But this? The Qareen claiming Cas felt the same with the angel's face on? Especially when Dean knew the real Castiel didn't feel the same? That was a torture.

Castiel stepped closer and Dean's eyes wandered to where he'd left his knife. The other side of the room of course. Fucking perfect. As always.

He carefully took a step closer to his knife, but Castiel mimicked his move. It was time to talk and distract then. "Well, that's touching." Dean said. He refused to talk to the Qareen as if it was the real Cas. He had to concentrate on the fact that this was all fake, that's what he needed to do. And then he needed to end it quickly and hopefully not die.

"Considering that you don't have a heart." He continued. The Qareen kept staring into his eyes and tilting his head just like Cas always did. It was quite irritating. "Qareen." Dean said.

At that the creature narrowed its eyes. "Who I am doesn't matter." It said and tried to get to Dean by going around the table. "The real question is who are you."

"What do you mean, who am I?" Dean asked, keeping his eyes on Castiel.

"You're a mystery." Cas smiled and when Dean stepped back a little, he changed the direction and mimicked him again. "I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except... it's cloaked in shame."

There we go, even better. Now the Qareen tried to be his fucking shrink or what? He didn't need that. He needed to stab it – well, defend himself until Sam stabbed it – and then forget about all of this and get a drink. Yes, he'd do that. As soon as he got out of here alive.

"When it comes to this..." The Qareen touched its chest that looked exactly like Castiel's chest and smirked. "You can't help yourself." Dean glanced at Cas' body and stayed silent. "So why fight it? Just give in." The Qareen finished and took a step closer to Dean again. Dean swallowed and took a step back.

Where the hell was Sam? Now was about time to end it. Thanks to him, Dean had to do something to buy himself some time. He decided to talk again.

"Yeah, you know what? You're right." He said because why the hell not? He was there alone and as far as he knew, the Qareen would be dead by the time Sam got down there. He could admit all of it (honestly it felt good to finally say it out loud) and no one would know. No one would find out today that Dean was in love with Castiel because he was, wasn't he?

"I like the real Castiel and I'd do anything for the guy." He continued. "But you are nothing but a cheap imitation."

And then the fight started. The Qareen attacked with Castiel's long arm, trying to rip Dean's heart out, but Dean managed to get away. He kept getting away because he had nothing to defend himself with, and he guessed the knife wouldn't hurt it much when silver bullets didn't either. He rolled over the table, while Castiel managed to make at least five holes into everything. It was just a matter of time until it was Dean's chest. God, he hoped Sam had already found the heart.

Then Dean finally got to his knife and tried to use it, but the Qareen was too damn strong. It grabbed his forearm and didn't let go until Dean had to let his knife fall down. Then it pinned him to the wall and prepared to take Dean's heart, when- when it suddenly stopped. It stepped back and started shaking until it screamed and disappeared in a tiny blue explosion, leaving Dean alone. He gasped and touched his chest. So fucking close.

"Dean?" He heard Sam's voice call him. About fucking time.

"Yeah." Dean yelled and briefly closed his eyes. Moments later, Sam was already walking towards him.

"So... I got it." Sam said.

"Yeah?"

"It's done." He confirmed.

"You good?" Dean asked, mainly because he didn't think _he_ was fine.

"Yeah. Are _you_ good?" Sam returned the question.

"Mmm," Dean mumbled. "Yeah." He said and then quickly walked away.

That was the weirdest encounter he's ever experienced. Like, sure, he's had people begging for him, many times, but certainly not men. Not yet at least. And not fake Castiel...

He just needed that drink and then he'd be fine.

xoXOXox

When they finally got back to the bunker, Dean felt like he could go take a nap. But instead of only about twenty minutes, he'd need at least twenty hours. He didn't get much sleep at the motel room, not even on the ride back home even though Sam offered to drive a few times. He just couldn't stop thinking about it.

You know what he did when they got back to their motel room and Sam asked him about the Qareen? He told him it was Amara. Yeah. He didn't want his brother to know it was Castiel that he desired, so he told him it was Amara instead because what he felt for her... it was something strong and he's been keeping that a secret. It was time to end the lies.

It was better to tell him about his feelings for Amara then to actually come out and say he liked Cas, right? Dean certainly thought it was.

"Don't wake me up!" He yelled at Sam when he left the kitchen in their bunker and took the can of beer back to his room. Well, he wanted to, but he stopped in front of his door when he heard a strange sound. He wasn't alone.

He quickly reached for his gun and opened the door. It was dark, so he switched on the lights on and looked at his bed. He sighed and lowered his gun when he saw it was only Castiel.

"Cas," he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Hello, Dean." Cas answered and slowly stood up.

"What the hell are you doing in my room, man?" Dean asked when he put the gun on his wardrobe and came closer to the angel.

"Well, I was waiting until you came back." He answered with that innocent face of his. But Dean narrowed his eyes. There was something wrong here, he didn't know what, but there was. He knew Cas seemed a bit off earlier, but this guy... it didn't... it didn't _smell_ like Cas. He didn't even have his trench coat. Dean didn't feel like he always felt when he was with Cas alone in a room. There was nothing.

"Yeah, right. Next time you call, okay?" He said and rubbed his eyes. Was there something wrong with his room and Cas or was there something wrong with him? Because this didn't _feel_ like Cas he was talking to.

"Yes, I forgot, sorry." Cas smirked and Dean carefully sat on his bed. Maybe the whole Qareen-as-fake-Cas situation made him aware of all those little things that made Castiel his Castiel. He saw and knew that the Qarren wasn't Cas because he felt it, and well... now he kind of felt the same way. But not enough to be completely sure it wasn't the real Castiel in front of him.

"Right." Dean smiled slightly and looked at Cas. "So, what did you want? Why did you wait in my room?" He asked.

"I..." Cas looked down briefly and glanced at Dean's bed. Then he sat right next to him, invading his personal space and making Dean eye him suspiciously. "I haven't found anything new that we could use against Amara, but I think I found something that I could use against you." He said and leaned a tiny bit closer to Dean. What the hell was he doing?

"Um, Cas? Wha-" Dean wanted to clear his throat, but Castiel's lips stopped him. And at first he thought _what the hell_ and wanted to stop, but the Qareen was right. He couldn't help himself when it came to Cas, so he kissed back.

Only when the kiss lasted longer than Dean's usual kisses did and he felt Castiel's hand reaching to his pants, he quickly pulled away and stood up. As much as he liked the kiss, Cas would never do this. He'd never try to seduce Dean in this way. "Who are you." He demanded and quickly reached for his gun again.

Castiel was still half sitting and half lying on Dean's bed, when he smirked and licked his lips. "Well hello there, you finally realized. Let me tell you, it did take you quite longer than I thought it would." He smiled and stood up.

"Tell me who you are or I swear I'll shoot." Dean frowned, but couldn't help but glance at the move Cas did with his tongue when he licked his lips. He blinked and looked back into Cas' blue eyes. But this time, he knew there was someone else behind them.

"You know what, Sam _is_ the smarter one I guess. I mean, I would have guessed by now, but I guess Sammy just doesn't spend that much time with my brother." Cas laughed and winked at Dean. Dean tried not to get distracted by that. "And you wanted my help, so I'm here."

Dean's eyes widened when the realization hit him. "Lucifer." He breathed out.

"In the flesh!" Lucifer smirked. "Well, not my flesh, I admit that. But hey, it's not my fault!" He raised his finger and grinned. "Cassie offered."

Cas said yes? Cas said fucking _yes_ to Lucifer? What the fuck? Why would he?

There were thousands of questions running through Dean's head. "Where is the real Cas?" He asked and Lucifer grimaced slightly.

"In the cage I'm afraid." He answered and then smiled. "It's not the best, I know, but he'll survive... unless he ends up like Michael of course." Lucifer whispered and then laughed. "That would be unfortunate."

Dean wanted to ask more, but he didn't get the chance. Lucifer spoke again. "Oh and I've just confirmed my theory that you like my little brother, thank you by the way. I think I can leave you here now, I need to get back to plotting against Amara." He smirked and bowed a little. "But don't worry, I'll be coming back, Dean." He winked at him again.

"I'm coming back soon."

* * *

 **I don't have time today, but I'm thinking about another short coda for this episode - just a quick drabble from Sam's POV about what he thinks about Dean and Amara and if he believes him and things like that. Anyway, it might appear here as another chapter.**

 **I hope you liked it, let me know what you think :)**


	5. 11x15 Coda

**I've wanted to write this since I saw the episode on Thursday, but I haven't had time until now. I hope you'll enjoy it :)**

 **It's in Sam's POV.**

 **11x15 BEYOND THE MAT - CODA**

 **.**

After leaving our childhood star to die by a Hellhound, it feels amazing to be finally back home. I close the door behind us and let Dean walk down the stairs first. I know he loved Lawless more than me, but his death hurt both of us, despite the fact that he'd sold his soul to a crossroad demon ten years ago.

"Are you okay?" I ask my brother as we walk down the stairs.

"Not even a little bit." Dean answers. He's finally being honest about how he feels, I kind of expected his usual _I'm fine_. "Lawless was a good guy." He switches the lights on and continues walking. "He didn't deserve to go out like that, you know?"

"Dean, you know what? He made a bad decision." I argue as we get to the table and put our bags down. "We've been there."

"Yeah." Dean says and nods. "Yeah, you, me, now Cas." He briefly looks at me. Then he looks in front of him and I know he's thinking about him. About Cas. Even though he tries to hide it, I know what Cas means to him. I know how much Dean cares for him and I know that Cas feels the same. I just wish they would finally talk about it, but I guess I'll have to wait for that.

Right now though, Dean needs my help. I know he probably doesn't want me to know, but it hurt him a lot when he found out about Cas being Lucifer. I could see it in his eyes right after I drew the angel banishing sigil and Cas disappeared. And then again when we were on the pier. I could see it in his eyes.

"Dean, we'll get him back." I say, looking at him and trying to reassure him. Because we _will_ save Cas. He's my friend too. "We will. We just got to-"

"Keep grinding." Dean says. He isn't even looking at me anymore, completely lost in his thoughts. "No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets, you got to keep grinding."

"Right." I nod and Dean finally looks at me.

"And that's how we're gonna win. And we're gonna win. We're gonna save Cas, we're gonna ice the Devil and we're gonna shank the Darkness. And anyone that gets in our way... well, God help them." He smiles slightly and I can see the decision in his eyes. We _are_ going to do this.

"Damn right." I agree.

"Damn right." Dean nods and walks away. But he doesn't get far because suddenly there's a sound on the other side of the room and we both turn around, reaching for our guns. Dean looks at me and glances down at the table. Then he nods at me and I nod back. Whoever is in our bunker, they're hiding on the other side of the table.

In the next two seconds, we both run around the table, each of us on one side, and we aim our guns at... Crowley?

"Hello boys." He smiles and stands up. We don't put our guns away though.

"Crowley, what the hell are you doing here?" I ask and he smirks.

"Well, Moose, I have some information that you will want to know. Both of you." He looks at me and then at Dean and then at our guns. Dean rolls his eyes and puts his gun away first, I follow.

"Okay, what is it?" Dean asks and frowns. "Tell us so we can kick you out." He smiles with his eyes still narrowed and the smile isn't friendly at all, it's bitter. I guess he wants to forget about his and Crowley's summer of love last year.

"Not so fast, squirrel." Crowley says and puts his hands in his pockets. He's wearing a black suit, I thought he wouldn't be dressed so well now that Lucifer is free. For all we know, Lucifer is probably in hell, and that would make Crowley... not a king of hell anymore.

"I need your help, too." Crowley admits and Dean chuckles.

"What?" He laughs. "You expect us to help you?"

"We _need_ each other." Crowley says. "Again."

"I don't really think we do." I say, but Crowley rolls his eyes at me.

"Okay, listen. With the information that I'm about to tell you, you'll both realize you need me, just as much as I need you."

"What makes you thin-"

"It's about your pet angel. Castiel." Crowley interrupts Dean and looks at him. I glance at him too, and I can see everything he's thinking about, it's written all over his face. The hope, doubt, . . . pain.

"What about him?" I ask instead of Dean and Crowley looks at me.

"Well, he isn't your Castiel anymore, he's bloody Lucifer."

"We know." Dean informs him. I can hear in his voice that he's trying to be strong, and I want to tell him that he doesn't have to be. Not with me. But Crowley's here now too.

"He made me his pet, his _doggy,_ " Crowley hisses when he says the nickname Lucifer gave him. "And he's turned every bloody demon against me. Everyone hates me now."

"Not really a change, but continue." Dean sighs and Crowley glares at him.

"He's found another _hand of God,_ but I used it and now it doesn't have any more power anymore. You're welcome." He smirks. "He's sitting on _my_ throne and he killed my mother."

"Wait a minute, Rowena's dead?" I ask.

"Yes." He answers. "And now he thinks he can do whatever he wants and what he wants is to take out the Darkness. Then he wants to take the whole world."

"That son of a bitch. I knew it." Dean closes his eyes briefly.

"Now, I know you both want your angel back, and I want my throne back too." He looks at me and then at Dean and smirks. "So we make a deal. I help you get back your precious Castiel, and you help me get back hell."

After a few seconds of silence, Dean nods. "Yeah, alright. But now get out of here, it's our bunker."

Crowley rolls his eyes. "I guess I'll have to find some motel. Do it the old Winchester way." And then he disappears. I sigh and go back to my duffle bag. Dean follows me. We have another deal with Crowley, and we're possibly, _hopefully_ , one step closer to getting Cas back.

xoXOXox

A few hours later I'm sitting in the kitchen with Dean in front of me. I'm eating my sandwich and he's drinking a can of beer. It's comfortable like that. We're both silent, and it's almost night. I'm gonna go to sleep soon, but first there's something I want to talk about with Dean.

I look at him and he looks exactly the same as he looked almost half an hour ago. He's looking somewhere to the corner of the room, with his beer in hand. He's lost in his thoughts again, and I know exactly what he's thinking about. _Who_ he's thinking about.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I ask him, but he doesn't answer. "Dean?" I lean a bit closer and he blinks and looks at me.

"Yeah?"

I sigh. "You wanna talk about it?" I can see the tiny glint in his eyes. I know he knows what I'm referring to.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He says and quickly finishes his beer. "Anyway, I'm gonna-"

"No Dean, wait." I stop him when he wants to stand up and go to his room. It's now or never. "It's alright, okay? I don't mind."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He says, narrowing his eyes and I sigh. He sits back down.

"I know you're thinking about him, Dean."

"About...?"

"About Cas." Seriously, how dumb does he think I am? "I know you're thinking about him and I know what he means to you and I'm saying that it's _alright_." I try to assure him, but he rolls his eyes.

"Okay, you've been talking to those girls from the supernatural musical again or what?" He frowns and this time it's my turn to roll my eyes.

"No, Dean. I'm your brother and I _see_ and _hear_ things, okay? I _know_ you." I say and he shifts in his seat. "I know you're thinking about him, and I know... I know how much he _means_ to you Dean and I want you to know that it's alright." I'm looking into his eyes now and he's looking back, but I know he wants to look somewhere else. A second later, he looks down. "I don't judge okay? I just want you to be happy."

"He's fucking Lucifer, Sammy." Dean says while still looking down on the table between us. He rubs his eyes and closes them. Then he looks back at me. "He said _yes_."

"I know." I lean a bit closer to him. "But what I said before is true. We'll get him back Dean. We will."

"Yeah."

"Just... " I say as he looks up. "Just think about the possible reasons why he said yes, okay? And when he's back... make sure he feels welcome here." I know Dean's thinking about what I said, but I feel like I have to make myself clear. "You should talk to him."

That draws a reaction from Dean. "About what?" He asks and I have to sigh again.

"About you and Cas. About your relationship, just like I said. I _know_ and it's okay Dean. So when he's back, tell him that."

"But-"

"No." I say as I stand up. "Think about what I said and when he's back and you're ready, just tell him. And don't wait too long, I know you're scared, but you should be honest with him. He deserves that." With that I quickly turn around and head out of the kitchen. "Good night!"

I stop in the hallway to listen, but it's quiet. That means that Dean's thinking and that's exactly what he should do. I'm not sure if he's okay after our conversation, but I know he wants to be left alone right now. At least until tomorrow morning. I didn't want to make him confess to me, I know it must be hard for him. But I hope he knows now that it's okay to talk about it with me.

I sigh as I close the door to my room and put some more comfortable clothes on. Then I finally lie down in my bed and close my eyes. It's been a long day with one big chick flick moment at the end. And I know Dean doesn't like talking about his feelings, but this was necessary. Dean _needed_ to hear it.

He needed to know that I'd always be there for him, no matter what. No matter who he falls in love with, I'll always be there for him. Always.

* * *

 **So what do you think? :)**


	6. 11x18 Coda

**So I got this little idea that Dean appears on the tv that Cas is watching in his mind, I hope you'll like it :) It's in Castiel's POV.**

 **11X18 HELL'S ANGEL - CODA**

 **.**

"What's wrong with you? What has Lucifer done to you?" Crowley asks as I stare into the screen.

"Well, he mostly just leaves me alone." I answer. The program on the television is not very interesting, but it's more interesting than staring at the table and just waiting. "I'm just waiting here, you know, for the battle with Darkness." I say, not even looking at him.

"He's really got his hooks in you." Crowley says, but I don't pay much attention to him. "Snap out of it. Do you know what's happening out there? The Winchesters have trapped the abomination so that you ca expel him so that they can put him back in the cage!"

"Well, that doesn't sound like a very good idea." I mutter.

"In your current state, you're in no position to judge." He says and I remember something. _Someone_. I thought he... didn't care.

"Wait. That was Dean I saw a minute ago, wasn't it?" I ask and finally look up at Crowley.

"Yes." He answers.

"And he wants me to expel Lucifer?" I ask. Why would he? At least this way I'm useful for something.

"Yes!" Crowley repeats and I turn back to the tv and laugh. He didn't care before, but now that I'm gone he suddenly cares?

"Well, he may have a more objective view of the situation." I say finally. I'm quite happy here. Alone and in peace, just waiting. I don't really want to be pulled back in all the drama and danger. But... it would be nice to see Dean again. He's not here, in the fake kitchen. "Maybe I should." I say.

"So, let's do it now before it's too late!" Crowley insists, but Lucifer interrupts him.

"It already is." He says and I sigh and turn back to the tv. "Really, Crowley? You want to put me back in the Cage? Well, I'm not going anywhere and neither are you." He says and then they start fighting. I don't really care.

"Guys, you're gonna break something." I tell them as they hit the table. I look at the screen again and smile. The show isn't that bad. But with Lucifer and Crowley fighting, I don't hear much of it. I look at them again and then back at the tv.

And then the show suddenly stops and the screen is black. "What is happening." I mutter and look at Lucifer and Crowley. Lucifer had pinned Crowley against the wall and his hands are on his neck. He's probably going to die.

 _Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica adjuramus te._

Is that Sam? I think I hear Sam.

 _Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica adjuramus te!_

And again. He's probably trying to get Crowley back.

"Cas?" Someone calls with a desperate voice. It's Dean, isn't it? "Castiel show yourself!"

I look around and then back at the black screen. Then the black screen disappears and all I see is Sam with a wooden cross in his hands and Dean standing next to him. But I'm still in the kitchen... maybe now that Lucifer and Crowley are both fighting, I'm able to connect to the real world? At least via this television?

"Cas!" Dean yells while Sam keeps exorcising Crowley. "Cas, you hear me?"

"Dean?" I say and smile when I see his face. But he can't hear me.

"Cas expel him! Now! Do it, I know you can! Just expel him!" He yells and Castiel frowns. Maybe he really should. He misses Dean. And Sam too, of course.

He looks away from the screen at Lucifer and Crowley and then back at Dean. He's looking right at him, and he looks sad. "Cas! Now!" He yells and Cas sighs.

He stands up and walks over to Lucifer and he punches him. "Wha-" Lucifer looks at Cas and Crowley smiles as he falls to the ground. They can all hear the exorcism, but right before Crowley disappears, he manages to punch Lucifer one more time, together with Cas.

When Lucifer and Cas are alone, the real fight begins. "And here I thought you were such a nice little brother." Lucifer hisses and Cas sighs.

"I don't want you in my body anymore." He says. "Get out of here and leave me alone, I expel you."

Lucifer smiles. "I'm an Archangel Cassie, this isn't going to be this easy." He says and quickly grabs Castiel by his shoulders. "Maybe this kitchen is too nice for you, what about leaving you in hell? I remember quite well what it looks like, what do you say?" He grins and tosses Cas across the table.

"I expel you, get out! I don't want you here!" Cas yells and fights Lucifer.

Then they hear the exorcism again, this time Dean and Sam are saying it together. And even though Lucifer is an angel, this exorcism works. It's a different exorcism, this isn't exorcism at all. Sam and Dean had to find some spell that helps to get an angel out of someone. Archangel even.

Cas smiles when he sees that it weakens Lucifer. "I _expel_ you!" He yells, thinking about Dean. Because Dean wanted this, and saying yes to Lucifer was a mistake.

So he punches Lucifer again and again until Lucifer is too weak to fight back. He falls to the ground and disappears. As soon as he's gone and Cas smiles, the kitchen begins to shake and he looks around. The kitchen disappears and suddenly there's light. Everything is blurry and he can't really remember where he is, but he feels fire.

"Cas?" He recognizes that voice. He slowly opens his eyes and sees Sam, Dean and Crowley with Rowena in front of him.

"Dean?" He mutters and Dean smiles. It's the most beautiful thing Cas has seen in the last few weeks. He can't help but smile too. "What's happening, what-" He looks down and sees the holy fire. He can't cross it. He looks up at Dean and Sam, confused.

"It was for Lucifer." Sam explains and goes for a bucket of water to stop the fire.

"Lucifer... he's-"

"He's gone." Dean smiles as he walks closer to Cas inside the circle. "And you're back home." He says and when Cas smiles after a while, Dean hugs him. It's a short hug because Crowley and Sam and Rowena are standing behind them, but even though it's short, it means a lot.

It means that Cas is back and that they're gonna work together from now on, and care about each other and most importantly, they're gonna be a real family.


	7. 11X19 Coda

**I _loved_ this episode! I watched it twice and wrote this, but I didn't have time to quickly correct it until now. It's 1:40am now so good night and enjoy! XD**

 **11X19 THE CHITTERS - CODA**

 **.**

"What's it like settling down with a hunter?" Dean asked and regretted it the second after. Fuck. _Why_ did he ask them that? Even Sam was looking at him, and even though it didn't have to mean anything, he didn't dare to look back.

"Smelly, dirty." Caesar chuckled. He looked at Jesse when he continued. "Twice the worrying about getting ganked." They all laughed a bit and Caesar looked back at Dean. He didn't say anything though, and Dean tried his best to forget he had ever asked that question.

It wasn't like he didn't want anyone to know, but... yeah. He didn't want anyone to know, except he guessed Sam already knew anyway. They slept in the same room for thirty years, they knew each other perfectly. But the thing was, Dean never really said it out loud. He hasn't even admitted it to himself yet. Like, yeah, he knew. He knew he had a massive gay crush on his friend angel, but talking about it was a chick flick moment and everyone knew Dean wasn't very fond of them.

Sometimes he just lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling and all he could think about was: _Cas. Cas. Castiel. Cas. Caaaaaaas._

And then the guy appeared next to him in his room and Dean jumped and called him weird for spying on him. He was a fucking moron, that's what he was. He should've told him how much he cared about him. If he had, there was a good chance Cas wouldn't have said yes to Lucifer.

"Can you take us there?" Sam asked Jesse and Caesar and Dean tuned back into the conversation. He was lost in his mind way to often lately. "It seems like he was honing in on some of the missing."

"We need to find the burrow." Jesse argued. He wanted his revenge and both Sam and Dean understood that.

"Jess." Caesar stopped him as he leaned closer to his husband. "We've been beating around the woods for two days."

"That's where they are. You saw the tracks!"

"I can keep searching on my own. We're _losing_." Caesar and Jesse stared at each other.

"Why don't I go with you?" Dean offered them. He needed to go out there finally and kill those sons of bitches before he started to feel bad again. Every second spent just talking or sleeping and not doing anything, not at least _helping_ , was one second not spent searching for Cas, and he hated that feeling. It felt as if he was failing him somehow. "We'll start where I got jumped."

"Okay." Caesar nodded.

The plan was set and Dean was eager to get into the Impala and start driving. He could feel his palms itch and it stopped only when he grabbed the steering wheel and felt like he was helping, felt _useful_. Another thing he should have told his angel – he didn't have to be useful in order to stay with the Winchesters, he was _family._ Always welcome. The bunker seemed empty without him.

"And the insane thing is, how many hunters have you seen over the years get their revenge?" Caesar asked. They were closer to the woods already and they were talking. No music this time.

"A few." Dean answered and shrugged. The Winchesters got their revenge many years ago. The Yellow Eyes – Azazel – was dead after all, but since then so much other shit has happened that if Dean wanted to get revenge for all of that, he'd spend the rest of his life just looking for it. He had to learn to let it go unless it was something really important and about people he loved – Sammy and Cas. And Bobby. They avenged Bobby's death by killing that dick. Pun intended.

"Yeah. Me, too." Caesar sighed. "And they are never fixed, are they?"

"No, I guess not... But you gotta help him get that revenge anyway." He looked at Caesar and Caesar looked at him and nodded. Dean was right. Jesse needed to get his revenge tonight or it'll eat him alive. He'd be able to wait another 27 years for sure, but that would _destroy_ him. And Caesar too.

"And what about you?" Caesar suddenly asked. "Ever thought about settling down? Having a normal life like normal people do?"

 _You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?_ Sam's words echoed in his mind, but ignored them.

"Normal life is boring." Dean said instead. Of course he had a different answer, but he didn't want to bring up Cas. Not now, when he finally felt useful again. "But they don't have to worry about things that we worry about."

"Yeah, they worry about work and bills and taxes."

They both laughed at that, but the unanswered question hung in the air, waiting to be answered by Dean. And Dean didn't know if he should be honest with Caesar or if he should leave Cas completely out of this conversation. He didn't want Sam to know about any of this, but on the other side... Caesar and Jesse were the only gay hunters that Dean has ever met and he felt like... maybe he should ask them something about their life, but as soon as he thought about that, he mentally slapped himself for even considering it. His problems were his to deal with. He didn't have to include other people. And he wasn't gay anyway.

"But still," Caesar smiled slightly. "It's nice not working alone. Jesse and I have a deal, you know." That caught Dean's attention. "When we finish this hunt, if we catch 'em, we hang up our spurs."

"That's nice." Dean smiled.

"Yeah. I see you've got your brother, so you're not alone. That's good, because hunting alone?" He looked at Dean. "Not fun."

"Yeah, definitely not fun." Dean laughed. "You've always got to have someone who has your back. I have Sammy... and Cas." He added warily. He knew Caesar looked at him, but he didn't dare to look back, he kept his eyes on the dark road in front of them.

"Another friend of yours?"

"Yeah. An angel." Dean smiled when he remembered the first time he met Castiel in that barn. That was exactly seven years ago, just like Jesse and Caesar who met seven years ago too. And Cas was still alright back then. His wings were huge and beautiful, every feather was a piece of heavenly perfection. Now? Cas was damaged and he barely had any feathers left. All thanks to the Winchesters, mostly to Dean himself.

"I knew that couldn't have been a meteor shower three years ago." Caesar chuckled. "But Jesse and I never really looked into it. I think we were hunting a rugaru back then."

"The angles were falling." Dean explained. "But we dealt with them and now they're back in Heaven, where they belong. We met Cas long before that." He added and a small smile returned to his face. "He saved me and since then... we became _family._ It's the three of us. Me, Sammy and Cas."

"Nice." Caesar nodded. "So you've already settled down, I see." He smiled.

"You could say so."

Before Caesar could say something else, Dean stopped the car. When they looked outside through the window, there was the forest they were heading to. Dean was glad it was the end of their conversation though, he didn't know if he could talk any longer about Cas. He felt guilty whenever he thought about him and literally _everything_ reminded him of his blue eyed friend.

That's why he opened the trunk, got some weapons and nodded at Caesar. He couldn't wait to kill those sons of bitches and then return to research. Because no matter what hunt Sam wants to make him go to next time, he'll say _no_. Not without _Cas_.

xoXÖXox

When Jesse and Caesar left and it was only Sam and Dean in the Impala, everything changed for Dean. He felt useless again and he felt the need to return to the bunker and get back to the research on how to save Cas, because there just had to be something useful in all the bunker records.

Dean was seated behind the steering wheel, eager to drive back home, but not even after an hour of driving, they had to switch places with Sam. Dean was just too tired to drive and he'd kill them both. The amount of sleep he got for the past week was minimal and he figured he could use some sleep while driving home because once they get back to the bunker, Dean won't leave the library until he finds something. Anything.

After another half an hour of staring out of the window while his eyes kept closing on their own accord, Sam sighed loudly.

"Dean, you really should get some sleep." He told his brother. "I can knock you out if you don't."

Dean didn't laugh at that, he just kept looking out of the window. "I know Sammy, I know." He said and yawned. He wanted to sleep, he really wanted to just close his eyes and let the rumble of his Baby lull him into sleep. But even though he wanted to, he couldn't. Every damn time he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cold window, he thought about him. He saw Lucifer wearing Cas' face, laughing at him and he saw Castiel being tortured by Amara. He couldn't stop the thoughts and he didn't know if it would get any better.

"You're still not sleeping." Sam's voice brought him back to reality and he closed his eyes and rubbed them with his fingers.

"Do you think I don't know that?" Dean groaned and opened his eyes again. "I just... I can't." He added silently.

Sam was silent too for a while. He quickly looked at Dean, who leaned his head against the cold window again and then he looked back on the road. "We'll get him back, Dean. We'll get Cas back."

"What if we don't." Dean couldn't help but say. It's been way too long since Cas said yes to Lucifer and now that Amara had him... what if he was already dead? Or what if they save him, but he's never going to be the same?

"We will. I'll make sure of it. I'll help you with the research, and I won't look for other hunts this time." Sam promised and glanced at Dean again. His eyes were closed. "And you know what, we'll call Crowley and Rowena. They both have knowledge that we don't, they might get some new ideas that we haven't thought about before and then we'll get Cas back and lock Lucifer back in the cage and we'll get rid of Amara."

"Hmm," Dean hummed. Sam's words made it all sound too easy, but they also brought something back inside Dean – _hope_ , which he had almost lost. "Sounds nice." He added.

Sam smiled at that. "We'll get him back. You'll see."

"Yeah." Dean whispered, he was almost asleep. "Gotta get him back."

That was the last sentence he said before Sam heard his soft snoring. Dean was finally asleep and they were on their way back to the bunker with new hope to find and save Cas. Sam had to make sure they'd find Cas because recently he realized that if something happened to Cas, it would affect Dean too. More than Dean himself was willing to admit.

Sam would probably get over it... eventually he'd be alright. But Dean? He feared that Dean would never be the same if they ever lost Cas. There was a special bond between the angel and his brother – _a profound bond_. Sam hadn't realized it before, but now he could see just how much they cared for each other. Almost as much as Jesse and Caesar.

And Sam knew what this meant. If those crazy heaven and hell battles and apocalyptic disasters slash monsters are ever over and they get some rest, he hoped Cas and Dean could settle down just like Jesse and Caesar want to. They both deserved it.

He glanced at his brother again and sighed. In a few hours they'd arrive at the bunker and get back to research and then they'd get Cas back so Dean and the angel could finally talk about things they didn't have courage to talk about before.

Sam smiled slightly. _Soon._


	8. 11x23 Coda

**A few fixed/added scenes to the finale.**

 **11x23 ALPHA AND OMEGA - CODA**

 **.**

When Amara left, Sam was the first one who recovered and stood up. He helped Dean get up as they were looking around, still panting. The plan didn't work and Chuck was dying. Well, _fuck_. What were they going to try next? They hit Amara with everything they had and she _walked it off_. She was unstoppable now.

But all Dean could think about now was the guy in the trench coat, still lying unconscious on the other side of the room. He had no idea if it was Lucifer or Cas again, but he didn't really care now.

"Check on him," he told Sam and pointed at Chuck on the floor. Then he slowly went to Cas and knelt down beside him. Castiel's face was calm. If the devil was still inside, this would be the moment Dean would forget all about it because this face was just too innocent. He hoped the angel inside was someone just as innocent, his Cas. It's been too long that Cas was gone. Too fucking long and all he wanted was to look into his baby blue eyes and see Castiel looking back at him.

He put his hand on Cas' shoulder and the angel stirred and woke up. Dean didn't even realize he was holding his breath when Cas' head slowly turned to him as he looked up at Dean. Dean was still cautious though, it could be Lucifer who he was waking up.

When the angel looked at him though, he inhaled sharply and breathed out, "Dean." That wasn't Lucifer talking, that was _Cas_. Cas' eyes looking at him, his Castiel. _Finally back._

"Cas?" Dean frowned. He still couldn't believe it. "Hey, is that you?" He asked again to make sure as he leaned closer to the angel on the floor.

"Lucifer is gone." Cas told him, looking away. A tiny smile appeared on Dean's lips. He was just so fucking glad it was over. Well, almost. "Amara ripped him from my body." Cas continued and looked at Dean's hand that was still touching his shoulder and then looked up into Dean's green eyes.

"To where?"

"I don't know." Cas answered. Dean nodded slightly and then smiled again. He glanced behind him and noticed Chuck was waking up. "Come on." He told the angel and helped him get up. When Cas stood up though, his legs gave up and he almost fell back down if it wasn't for Dean, who caught him.

"Hey, you good?" He asked, worried.

"I will be." Cas closed his eyes and then moved his legs again, trying to get back up. Dean held him and helped to steady him when Cas was standing again. He kept his hand on his shoulder. "It's been a long time since I had to use this body." Cas explained and looked at Dean hesitantly. He wasn't sure – was Dean angry at him for letting Lucifer in? Was he going to kick him out again? What if he would never get to be at the bunker again because of his betrayal? Cas stilled. "Dean, I-"

Suddenly Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him into a tight embrace. _What is this?_ Castiel thought. He didn't deserve such a sign of affection, especially from Dean. "Dean, wha-"

"Just hug me back, Cas." Dean rolled his eyes and smiled fondly as he felt Cas' hands slowly reach up to return the embrace. Dean couldn't help but close his eyes as he leaned his head closer to Cas' neck. "Man, I missed you." He whispered.

He could feel Cas smile and he was glad the angel was okay, but the hug was already longer than ten seconds and Chuck was still lying on the ground, so Dean patted Cas's back and pulled away, keeping his hand on his shoulder.

Cas smiled at him and Dean smiled back. "Now, come on." He said and helped Cas limp back to where Sam and Chuck were. He still kept his hand on Cas's back though, just to be sure.

xoXÖXox

"Dean." Cas says his name from behind and Dean swallows. It's time. This is when he gets to see Cas for the last time and he knows it and he has too fucking much to tell him, but he _can't_ in front of everyone. He can't unless they're alone. And they don't have time for that. Fuck, he should've thought of that sooner. He had a chance in the car and he blew it, telling Cas he was only a brother to him.

Dean turns around and looks Castiel up and down, trying to remember every little detail. He knows it won't mean much once he's dead or if the plan fails and the universe ends with nothing left. He can't help it though. "Cas." He says his name and doesn't even have a chance to look into his eyes before Cas lunges forward and envelops him in a hug. "Okay, okay, alright." Dean smiles and hugs Cas back.

After a while though, he frowns. He frowns because he's gonna die in an hour and this is the last moment he gets to be so close to the angel he loves. It's the second hug he gets from Cas today and that's why Dean considers himself at least a little bit lucky. They never hugged often. He wishes they had because once he lets go, he's going to miss it so fucking much.

Dean doesn't notice when Cas looks at Chuck with pleading eyes and he doesn't notice until it's too late that Chuck snapped his fingers and zapped them away. His frown deepens when he lets go and sees that they're not in the cemetery anymore, instead they're in a forest. He doesn't know how far away from the others they are, but it's just him and Cas.

"Cas?" Dean says his name again. It's funny how their names are often all they need to understand each other. This time though, Dean wants an explanation. "Where are we?"

Cas takes a deep breath and looks at him with his stupid baby blue eyes that make Dean shiver every fucking time they make eye contact with him. "Chuck sent us here." Cas says. "I asked him."

Dean stays silent. He's beginning to understand. And even though there's no fucking way Cas feels the same way about him, they both need a bigger goodbye than one stupid hug. Dean is about to die in an hour.

"Well?" Dean asks when Cas stays silent.

"I... heard your prayers when I was possessed by Lucifer." Cas says quietly. "All of them."

Dean's breath hitches. He didn't think Cas really heard him, I mean he surely wanted him to listen when he was praying, but when Lucifer was gone and Cas didn't say anything, not even in the car, he thought... he thought-

"When Lucifer started pretending he was me, I realized how stupid I was for letting him in." Cas continued. "I knew you'd be angry at me and disappointed because I betrayed you again, but-"

"Cas, we talked about this." Dean interrupts him. "You were just trying to help and it's okay."

Are those tears in Cas' eyes? Dean doesn't really know what to do so he waits for Cas to continue whatever it is he wants to tell him. But Cas is quiet. Just when Dean wants to say something again, Cas looks at him.

"Dean," he says and it sounds so fucking sad and broken. It makes Dean sad because he knows it's him who made his angel cry. "I asked Chuck for a moment with you because I wanted to tell you something before... before you're gone."

Cas steps closer to Dean and for a moment Dean isn't sure what he's about to do, but then Cas reaches for his hand and slowly entwines their fingers. Dean's breath hitches again. Is this...? No, it can't be. Cas doesn't feel the same, he... he doesn't.

But then Cas looks up at him with tears in his blue eyes and glances at Dean's lips and Dean doesn't even think when he leans in and kisses his angel. It feels _right_. After all this time of longing and betraying each other and long ass staring contests that Sam surely noticed, it feels right to finally do it. And Dean's gonna die and honestly without knowing that Cas feels the same, it wouldn't feel right to die. He'd leave Cas behind without letting him know about anything. They'd never get to try this, to know how it feels to be so close to each other.

Dean can die happy now.

"I don't want you to die." Cas mumbles against his lips when the kiss stops, as if he could read his thoughts. Their eyes are closed and their foreheads are touching.

"I know." Dean replies quietly. "I know Cas, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." Cas whispers brokenly and hugs Dean tightly.

"For what?" Dean asks.

"For not telling you how I feel sooner. We... we could have..."

"It's not your fault, Cas. I should have told you too." Dean says as he closes his eyes and buries his head against Cas' shoulder. He doesn't want to let go. He can't let go. And Cas isn't letting go either, so they stay like that, with tears on cheeks and their eyes closed tightly. Dean puts his hand on Cas's head and kisses his cheek. He wanted to let go, but then he leans back in and hugs Cas more tightly.

 _Whoosh_.

They don't even notice that Chuck zapped them back. Not until Crowley clears his throat to let them know everyone can see them and both Cas and Dean quickly open their eyes, pulling away from each other. When it's slightly less awkward, Cas looks at Dean again.

"I could go with you." Cas offers, but he knows Dean will probably refuse.

And he does refuse. He can't let Cas go with him, he is about to nuke himself with Amara close and kill them both. He can't let Cas die, or watch. He can't let anyone do that. They don't deserve that.

Dean puts his hand on Cas' shoulder and squeezes. One last time. "Thank you for everything." He says and smiles. Cas doesn't smile back. He can't.

Dean then goes to Sam and hugs him tightly to give him a goodbye. It's not enough, but they barely have any time left. He gives him his keys to Baby and pretends everything's okay by joking about his own funeral. But then he stops talking and looks around at his family, and... yeah, okay, sort of friends who are usually enemies.

"Okay, let's do this." He says and looks at Chuck. Chuck nods, snaps his fingers and Dean's gone.

xoXÖXox

"Hello, hello," someone says and uses a sigil to make Cas disappear.

"Cas!" Sam calls his name, but it's too late. The angel is gone. He turns to look at the stranger in their home and frowns. What the hell? How did she get there? Who is she? He tries to get his gun, but she's already aiming hers at him.

"Don't." She simply says. "Sam Winchester." She says his name and Sam frowns. How does she know who he is? "Toni Bevell." She introduces herself. "Men of Letters. London Chapterhouse." When Sam rises his eyebrows in confusion, she continues. "Oh, you won't have heard of me... us. We're very traditional. Keep out of the way, keep to our studies."

"You, um... what?" Sam asks because seriously what the hell?

"They sent me to take you in." She explains.

"To take me in?"

"Assuming the world didn't end, and... yay." She smiles and looks around.

"Look, lady-"

"We've been watching you, Sam." She interrupts him again. "What you've done, the damage you've caused. Archangels, Leviathans, the Darkness, and now, well... the old men have decided enough's enough. I mean let's face it, Sam. You're just a jumped-up hunter playing with things you don't understand and doing more harm than good." She pauses and Sam looks down. "Now, where's Dean?"

At this, Sam looks up at her. "Dead." He answers. When she doesn't say anything, he takes the chance to speak. "Listen, lady. I don't know who the hell you are or what the hell you want-"

"Stop." She says and points her gun at him again when he makes a few steps forward. Sam doesn't stop though, he moves closer.

"Put the gun down." He says.

"I said _stop."_ She repeats, but Sam doesn't. She's a what, woman of letters? She's not a hunter, she's probably never fired a gun before, especially if she 'keeps to her studies'.

"You and I both know you're not gonna pull the trigger."

Then she pulls the trigger.

Sam holds his breath and when he opens his eyes again, her eyes are wide and her mouth is open. He doesn't feel any pain.

When he looks up, she's still in shock, and though Sam is too, he doesn't hesitate and goes straight to her. Without any trouble, he ties her up and leaves her on the bunker floor in the main room. Then he sits to one of the tables and waits for Dean.

No, screw waiting. He pulls out his phone and dials Dean's number. But Dean doesn't pick the phone, he's got to be somewhere without any signal.

Then Sam smiles and relaxes in the chair.

When Toni, or whatever her name was, shot him and he wasn't harmed, Sam realized something important. Just before the big battle, when they faced Amara with Chuck, Lucifer, the Angels and even Demons, Chuck put some kind of a protection on Sam and Dean. They were the only humans in the plan and they all needed them for an eventual plan B if plan A didn't work.

But then Amara hurt Chuck pretty bad and the protection stopped working. Sam realized that the only reason the protection would be working again is if Chuck wasn't dead and was alive. Not even dying anymore. But because the Sun is fixed, that means that Amara has to be alive too to keep the balance of the universe.

And if both Amara and Chuck are alive and the Sun is good, that means that Dean didn't have to use the bomb of souls that they'd prepared. And that means that Dean's _alive._

If Dean used the bomb and it didn't work, then Amara wasn't dead but still alive. But then there'd be no reason for her to fix God too and the Sun wouldn't be fixed. That's why Dean is still alive and the world is saved.

"Don't worry, once Cas and Dean come back, we'll have a good long chat." He tells the woman and smirks. He can't wait to see Dean again.

xoXÖXox

"Sam, I'm so sorry," Cas said, holding back tears. He couldn't cry though, he had to stay strong for Sam as he promised Dean. "If you want to talk... I'm here if you need anything." He looked at the younger Winchester as they were going down the stairs in the bunker.

"Hello, hello," Someone said. The intruder hit the sigil on the wall with her bloody hand and sent Castiel away.

For a few moments he didn't feel anything and there was dark. And then suddenly he landed somewhere. When he opened his eyes again, he was definitely not in the bunker. He didn't even know if he was still in Kansas, or Lebanon. When he looked around, he could see only a few buildings in the distance and a forest on the other side.

He wanted to go right back into the bunker and help Sam because this was exactly what Dean asked him to do. Look after his little brother and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. But then something stopped him.

 _Cas? You got your ears on?_

No, it couldn't be... could it? Dean was dead, he used the bomb, didn't he? How could he-

 _Listen, I don't know if you hear me, but I hope you do. So, I'm alive. Which you probably already know... Yeah._

Cas' eyes filled with tears and a smile appeared on his face. Dean was _alive._

 _Right, so Amara and Chuck actually talked and they went away. Family meeting or something, said they're brother and sister again. The sun is good and the bomb is gone. Chuck removed it. But I'm lost, man. There's no signal here and I don't know where the hell I am and-_

"Dean," Cas smiled as he appeared right behind him. When Dean turned around, he couldn't help but smile. And then he suddenly found himself enveloped in a hug, with Cas' arms on his back.

"Cas," he laughed and hugged him back. When they pulled away, he kissed him. "Wow," Dean smiled at him when they parted again. "This is gonna change a lot of things," he smiled.

"It doesn't have to." Cas said.

"Yeah, you're right." Dean chuckled. "Sam probably already knows."

Cas winced at the mention of Dean's brother and his smile disappeared.

"What is it?" Dean asked as he frowned.

"It's Sam, when we went into the bunker, there-"

"Help!" Someone called. Both Cas and Dean turned around, wondering who was it, when the woman called again. "Help me!"

Dean looked at Cas and Cas looked at Dean and without saying anything else, they both started running towards the woman. After a while they found themselves on a small clearing. It was night and dark all around, but there, in between the trees stood the woman that called for help.

Dean immediately stopped and his eyes widened. Cas stopped right behind him. He recognized the woman that was standing there, looking at them with a strange expression. But what was she doing there?

Dean frowned and whispered, "Mom?"

 ***The End***

 **I hope you liked it! Especially the protection that Chuck gave Sam and Dean. I just really didn't want Sam to die again or get shot (again this season) so I came up with the protection from Chuck. Hope it makes sense. :)**


End file.
